Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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