why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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