HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
