Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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