Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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