somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
