Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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