I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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