Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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