What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
