i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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