Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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