I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
