My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
