I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
