Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
