Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I cannot find my penis.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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