Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize