she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
