Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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