I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
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Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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