Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
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He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
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He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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