she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
