dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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