My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
