You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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