Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.