If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n