hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.