i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.