He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.