you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
