On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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