so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
