either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
