Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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