8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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