Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
