Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
