So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
vagina is talking i cant
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
