I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
