don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Rumble strips road head = magical
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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