Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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