he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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