im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
