Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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