I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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