my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
