The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
