peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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