Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
