i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
