nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Randomize
