So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
