Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
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