Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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