i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
