She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
