a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
