The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize