Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
