Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
