Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
