How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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